When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
false alarm, still single
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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