I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
