Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
