I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
