you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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