I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
