I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
