Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
