I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
