i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
