Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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