I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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