i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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