i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
