Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She needs sedatives and a leash
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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