She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
