every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
