margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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