dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
