Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
