i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
