I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
