i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
