YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
