my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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