Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
