Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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