I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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