Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
