mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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