I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
