; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
