Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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