I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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