i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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