I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
