Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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