dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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