I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
