I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
