My friends, they love my intelligence
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
