You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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