why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
