Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
