She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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