his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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