I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
