eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
