My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
