Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
