You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
