what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
