OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
